Philoctetes' Days After The War

Hi followers, I’m Hannah. I know most of you won’t take the time to read this, and I understand. I’m 13 years young, and suffer from depression and self-harm. If you share the same problems, you’ll know that fighting the urge to cut is extremely difficult, and the urge usually wins. I’ve been cutting for about 7/8 months now for various reasons, some are even unknown. This picture is for motivation, to show you that you have the strength. Fighting the urge may be hard to do and it may feel impossible to quit, but guys, it’s not. Fighting the urge may even be saying no to something you don’t want to do. I know all of this probably sounds really cheesy and I apologize, but I’m hoping you guys will please reblog the fuck out of this? I appriciate each and every one of my followers, thank you so much=).

Hi followers, I’m Hannah. I know most of you won’t take the time to read this, and I understand. I’m 13 years young, and suffer from depression and self-harm. If you share the same problems, you’ll know that fighting the urge to cut is extremely difficult, and the urge usually wins. I’ve been cutting for about 7/8 months now for various reasons, some are even unknown. This picture is for motivation, to show you that you have the strength. Fighting the urge may be hard to do and it may feel impossible to quit, but guys, it’s not. Fighting the urge may even be saying no to something you don’t want to do. I know all of this probably sounds really cheesy and I apologize, but I’m hoping you guys will please reblog the fuck out of this? I appriciate each and every one of my followers, thank you so much=).

Reblogged from Sami's Panty Party

acheshirecat:

I have a lot of the one of the only antidepressants that will actually kill you if you OD on them.

By far nowhere near the only antidepressant that will kill you if you overdose on them. TCAs are FAR more toxic in overdose, and venlafaxine - due to its cardiac effects - is even more dangerous than TCAs. Fluoxetine does cause nasty heart arrhythmias at a higher dose (above 500mgs or so, depending largely on your genetics, size, pre-existing heart defects and so on), which makes it slightly more lethal than most other SSRIs (but, again, nowhere near TCAs and venlafaxine). Like with any serotonergic drug, high doses can cause serotonin syndrome, though a fluoxetine overdose is no more or less likely to give you serotonin syndrome than any SSRI, and in fact monoagent serotonin syndrome is statistically pretty rare. Most serotonin syndrome cases are caused by synergistic release/reuptake inhibition, such as taking different antidepressants (especially MAOIs, which block an enzyme called monoamine oxidase that gets rid of serotonin, with SSRIs, which decrease serotonin reuptake and thus increase synaptic serotonin levels) or releasing agents with antidepressants (the typical culprits here are SSRIs + stimulants, SSRIs + tramadol and SSRIs + serotonergic anti-nausea drugs like the -setrons - the jury is still out on whether mirtazapine can cause serotonin syndrome at all).

In short,

if you feel suicidal, please seek help,
antidepressant overdose, especially SSRI overdose (as differentiated from TCA overdose, which is still very painful, but has a different method of action), is extremely painful and unpleasant, it can lead to lasting damage to your brain and nervous system, and you’re actually pretty likely to survive it.

Reblogged from The Cheshire Cat

letsdolaunch:

toroidal colony

interior view

1970s

SUBLIME SPACE SUBURBIA

Reblogged from TO INFINITY & BEYOND

Study Shows You are More Likely to Killed By a Cop Than a Terrorist

bollockszine:

The following ratios were compiled using data from 2004 National Safety Council Estimates, a report based on data from The National Center for Health Statistics and the U.S. Census Bureau. In addition, 2003 mortality data from the Center for Disease Control was used.

— You are 17,600 times more likely to die from heart disease than from a terrorist attack

— You are 12,571 times more likely to die from cancer than from a terrorist attack

— You are 11,000 times more likely to die in an airplane accident than from a terrorist plot involving an airplane

— You are 1048 times more likely to die from a car accident than from a terrorist attack

—You are 404 times more likely to die in a fall than from a terrorist attack

— You are 87 times more likely to drown than die in a terrorist attack

— You are 13 times more likely to die in a railway accident than from a terrorist attack

—You are 12 times more likely to die from accidental suffocation in bed than from a terrorist attack

—You are 9 times more likely to choke to death on your own vomit than die in a terrorist attack

—You are 8 times more likely to be killed by a police officer than by a terrorist

—You are 8 times more likely to die from accidental electrocution than from a terrorist attack

— You are 6 times more likely to die from hot weather than from a terrorist attack

Ignores cost of avoidance. When prioritising resources for the avoidance of an adverse outcome, the deciding factor isn’t the prevalence of the adverse outcome, but the marginal improvement in risk per unit of expenditure.

Example: Species A is vulnerable. For £5m, you can increase their survival chances for the three generations by 40%. Species B is critically endangered. For £5m, you have a 15% chance of ensuring their survival chances for the next three generations. Even though the chance of Species A being extinct by three generations is far lower than of Species B, Species A is rightly prioritised because the marginal effect of a unit of expenditure spent on A exceeds the marginal effect of a unit of expenditure spent on B.

Similarly, spending on preventing terrorism has a better return per unit than spending on difficult to avoid freak accidents, therefore the fact that you’re nine times more likely to choke on your own vomit than being a victim of terrorism means little if you consider that a unit of expenditure is more likely to reduce terrorism by more than it is to reduce the risk of choking on your own vomit.

Statistics & data analysis done well = sexy. Statistics & data analysis done badly = not.

Reblogged from TRIAL CHILD

kalapani:

bellemanie:

mrladyreality:

Ted Bundy FOR ANNIE

This is why I hate “pornography”, or what it stands for. Before I didn’t understand why a lot of people were against it… I heard a lot of slander saying it “ruins people” but this serial killer perfectly describes how he grew up from a loving, Christian, supporting family and porn manifested him into a monster.

I recommend everyone should watch this video. Anyone can be raped by a stranger,and this sent chills down my back because it shows you that completely normal people(the way he acts is so calm and kind) can be someone so sick and sadistic.

Ted Bundy is a lying son of a bitch. His family life was way more fucked up than you know. Have you even read a biography of this fucker or are you just going off of this shitty youtube video?

I can’t believe you would believe the “loving Christian family” lie. That is just. So amazingly offensive to me, I am so angry I don’t know if I can fully communicate why.

DID YOU GROW UP IN A “LOVING CHRISTIAN FAMILY”? You talk about rape and how much you suffered but from everything I’ve ever read you NEVER talk about the REAL effects the FAMILY has on a child. Do you not think that YOUR parents are responsible for the fact that you got raped? Because, however indirectly, they are; at the VERY LEAST they failed to protect you, but it seems to me that they raised a person who looks for unhealthy relationships.

Ted Bundy didn’t have a dad. His mom was a teen mom, and while it’s never been proven, the impression I got from reading “The Stranger Beside Me” (which by the way is a sympathetic biography so I don’t want to hear that I was reading like, propaganda or whatever) was that his grandfather was his dad. At the very least his family was dysfunctional enough that his mom was a teen mom who never told anyone who his real father was, abandoned him as a toddler, and told him his his grandparents were his real parents. Am I supposed to believe that that’s a functional family? For fuck’s sake, he was a SERIAL KILLER! Are you really trying to excuse his actions with “waaa, porn is so demeaning to women it turned me into a fucking rapist and murderer, waaaa!”

This is how it is in reality: When a boy is raised into a man with at least ONE loving, sympathetic parent, they hate mainstream porn. It degrades men through degrading women. If Ted Bundy had been raised by a loving, sympathetic family, he never would have become a serial killer. Period. There is NO OUTSIDE INFLUENCE that can turn a child into a MURDERER and RAPIST, ONLY child abuse. I’ve tried to be nice to you because you’re younger than I am, because you’ve suffered, because whatever, but the bottom line for my emotional well being? I don’t need to see more of this dismissive crap on my dash.

“Obviously this girl has never suffered any trauma if she’s on a reality show so she can shut the fuck up.”

This sentence alone should have been enough for me to un-follow you but obviously you have no sympathy or other people, no real understanding of why suffering occurs or any drive to end it. You want to run, run, run from the cause of your problems and you want everyone else to as well. I’m fucking sick of it. I had sympathy for you but I’m sick of your obsession with religion, with looking the other way, with dismissing people who have suffered, with propogating abuse.

You’re just another one of them. Goodbye.

PS anyone who could hear anything Ted Bundy says as “calm and kind” is addicted to being a victim, to me every word, every motion of his head drips with malice and the worst kind of evil; if you want to stop being hurt you need to stop trusting people who obviously want to hurt you.

PPS CHRISTIAN CHRISTIAN CHRISTIAN *vomits*

Ye gods, what a clusterfuck!

I’m not even going to take sides here, just a few observations.

If there is such a thing as filth among men (& women), I moved in it. It was part and parcel of my day job for a while. On an average day, I’d come across people who have killed, raped, abused, stolen, cheated, defrauded (if at this point you’re tempted to interject that I’m a fuckwit for taking a job like that when I’m fucked in the head myself, you’re welcome - I knew that. There’s a reason why I’m not doing it anymore). I’ve had good long chats with many of them - seeing as I was paid fuck all, I thought I might at least get something out of it and try to understand why people do bad things. A hundred or so long conversations later, I’m none the wiser. Porn? Dunno, can’t remember any of them mentioning it. Crap upbringing? A lot of the people I talked to had horrible childhoods. Some had not so horrible childhoods. Some had what sounded like a reasonably sound family background - I know because I had a chance to talk to the parents. No parent is perfect, but there’s a difference between being imperfect and being abusive, and they were at worst the former, certainly not the latter. Really, I have no fucking idea where evil comes from, a hundred long conversations later. The Greeks used to call this an aporia - an impasse of sorts, a place where you run out of answers. It was a perfectly valid outcome of a philosophical inquiry, as evident in a number of Plato’s dialogues for instance, which end in a big question mark. There’s the whole fiery back-and-forth interrogation - the elenchis -, and in the end what for? For no satisfactory answer. I can’t say I’m an expert - I have no answers but the things I’ve seen and read. I don’t know if there really is a single common thing that makes people do horrible things. Just my tuppence on the matter. (that said: I know for a reasonably sure fact that the principal person who abused me was not himself abused as a child, although he did suffer some pretty nasty things later on in life which I think have fed his abusive tendencies)
I’ve also seen a lot of people lie. That comes with being human. Be human in a sphere of abuse, fear, threats and deception, and you get a really good sense for people’s feelings. Anytime I talk to victims of long-term chronic abuse, I’m amazed by how quickly they, too, pick up on nuances of emotions in others that most of those fortunate enough not to have suffered from abuse would not even notice. So I see a lot more than ‘calm and kind’. I know because I’ve had people talk to me ‘calm and kind’. Be the respectable, kind man. That was right before they did bad things. It’s easy as fuck to affect a sort of outer calm when one is so far beyond the normal human morality that one does not recognise one’s actions as morally repugnant.
As a guy, I don’t understand porn. Oh yeah, I grew up with exactly zero loving, sympathetic parents. This isn’t an invitation to a pity party, just a plain statement of fact. Again, I don’t know why some people enjoy porn and others don’t.
Anger. Grief -> anger. People subjected to abuse eventually go through at least each of these. I know I go through both, pretty regularly. There are people who used to be my friends for years whom I will probably never again get to talk to in my life because one day, one stupid fucking day, my grief went into anger and I lashed out at them. Trust me, I tried to mend things and apologise, to no effect. As Omar Khayyam wrote, “the moving finger writes, and having writ/ moves on: not all your piety or wit/ shall lure it back to cancel half a line/ nor all thy tears wash out a word of it”. Anger, if my criminology textbook is worth its (pretty outrageous) price tag, correlates with some offences - rape, violent murders, arson, cruelty. They’re also, incidentally, offences that are about control. So yes, there is a way in which an abusive childhood can make one a rapist, murderer, arsonist. Whether it’s the only way - I don’t know. I doubt it, but have no real good basis for it.
I’m a Christian, though I don’t talk a lot about it, here or IRL. I don’t know if I’m a good one. Probably not. I try to be one that doesn’t make people vomit, though. I’m quite sure that’s possible. It has to be.

Reblogged from ♥কালাপানি♥

“Im 14, and i’ve still not been to a new years eve party, not a proper one anyway. Oh and also i’ve never drunk alcohol before. I feel like a nun.”

snomnom:

davidtennantsballsack:

Dude… You’re 14.

I don’t even. Believe it or not most people that age haven’t done much. It’s all lies that people make up “oh I’ve done so and so, bla bla bla” they’re talking pish.

Don’t be in a hurry to grow up.

You’ve got time for those things when you’re 18 and can legally get into clubs.

It’s a good thing, I’m nearly 16 and I spent new years eve in bed at 10pm crying. Along other things I was thinking about how the year before went awful at a party, and I really shouldn’t have drunk as much.

You don’t want to end up being 15 and having a lot more life experience than most 20-30 year olds and be thinking like a 25 year old.

Just be a teenager and don’t be too quick to grow up :)

I’m 24, and I spent New Year’s Eve in bed at 10pm, crying.

(no, I’m not snomnom’s aged alter-ego).

Then again, my life isn’t something to aspire to, really.

Reblogged from I killed a Zombie with a guitar. Nom.

noncandescent: I don't wanna hear about God.

noncandescent:

I know that a lot of survivors seek refuge in religion. I’m not dismissing their experiences, by any means. I’m just saying that isn’t the case for me.

I have never been religious. My parents said that I was baptised, but I resent the fact that they chose a religion for me before I was old enough…

As a survivor who happens to be religious, I think you (as well as the well-meaning religious people who have been talking to you) are missing an important point. When people experience trauma, their systems of assumptions collapse - this includes beliefs about the individual’s place in the world, about other people, about what is ‘right’ and what ‘ought to be’. Recovery inevitably requires a survivor to ‘rebuild’ his or her conceptual world in a way that will keep it meaningful (otherwise he might as well kill himself) but also be realistic and take account of the trauma (otherwise he’s not a step further ahead than he has been at the start). In general, most religions have been around long enough to develop doctrines to deal with the fact that shit happens, from time to time. And so, some survivors - by no means all - find that religion helps them rebuild their conceptual landscape, the way they frame the world and their place in it after the trauma. Others look to different answers. Susan Brison, a philosophy professor, wrote an entire book (Aftermath: Violence and Remaking of the Self) in which she examined, with the mind of a professional philosopher, how experiencing rape has uprooted her conceptual framework and how she rebuilt it. As a philosopher, she draws on non-religious philosophies. To some people, that’s better. The point I’m trying to make is that religions are one way of pervasive cognitive structures that can/do explain a wide range of things. IF they don’t work for you, something else will. No religion, philosophy or belief system will un-rape you or me or any other victim of sexual violence. They may, however, help you make sense of the world after what has happened.

Reblogged from noncandescent

New Years Eve…

daftgiraffe:

On this New Years Eve, spare a thought for those of us with psychotic mental illness who are trying to do the right thing and not drink alcohol.

I mean, we take these freaking medications so that we don’t go batshit crazy and hurt someone (well, that and trying to cope with life better…), but sometimes, a big part of the reason behind treatment is the risk of danger (or just uncomfortable-ness) to society - regardless of the negative side effects to the individual.

I am very fond of champagne, but this new years eve I will not be able to enjoy any, because I am sticking to the doctor’s advice, so that I can avoid having ‘episodes’. And yet, I bet that all over the world, people who don’t have ‘mental illnesses’ will drink too much alcohol and do far much more damage than any person having a psychotic episode could do.

Think about it.

Reblogged from Tumbling Giraffe

fourthievesgone asked: Can I please see the man behind the posts?

Here you go.

Seeing other people. Dead ones, that is.

The problem with seeing dead people isn’t that you feel like you’re going mad. By that time, I’m pretty sure you’ve concluded that.

No, the real problem is that you can’t make them any more dead than they are now. Which leaves you feeling pretty powerless, really. Living people, you can kill or at least fantasise about killing. But the dead - well, let’s just say that they won’t get any more dead. You’re stuck with them the way things are.

Which is problematic, because it’s probably a lot easier to whack someone than to get rid of traumatic memories.

Tags: hallucinations psychosis ptsd bipolar mental illness w00t i'm crazy like proper crazy flashbacks

Twenty-fucking-ten

So it’s that annoying time of the year when people muse about their New Year’s resolutions from last year, crack horrible geek jokes (“My new year’s resolution? 1280x1024!” - this was shit ten years ago, and still I have to hear it every year. I think I should disaffiliate myself from some people.) and sum up all they’ve been up to this year.

I feel like this year has passed me by, like all this year has been about for me is surviving from one day to another. I feel that I’ve been cheated of this year, that it’s been 365 lost days.

In 2010, I have - in no particular order -

finished two postgraduate degrees with distinction and went over to do another,
been to Australia, all on my own, to meet some friends,
gotten my first permanent teaching job,
gotten some pretty cool qualifications,
bought an iPad,
broke an iMac,
painted/sketched a lot,
reviewed a shitload of articles, which is pretty new to me,
made some new friends,
moved house, all on my own,
bought a car (isn’t car ownership in the UK a fucking hassle?),
started a new tumblr (I think) and met some interesting people here,
built myself a supportive environment,
rowed a lot,
ran a lot,
cycled a lot,
sang a lot.

But I also

failed to keep the relationship between me and my parents from deteriorating,
self-harmed plenty,
attempted suicide three times,
got diagnosed with bipolar disorder,
was forced to talk to people about my past,
had plenty of people turn away from me,
went from one medication to another, and was a right asshole to a lot of people during med transitions,
had to come to terms with a lifetime on mood stabilisers and antipsychotics and antidepressants and sedatives and sleeping pills and and and…,
felt all year like I’ve achieved nothing - how, really, can you have truly great achievements when it takes all your strength to get out of the fucking bed, and it takes all the powers of your mind to convince yourself not to open up your radial artery?

Sure, I was pretty depressed last year during the holidays (I’ve had a hypomanic episode in October that turned into ever-deepening depression with the onset of Winter, and by Christmas I was pretty thoroughly depressed - or so I thought, with no idea of the hell I would be going through the rest of the year), but I’ve had plans for this year. I expected this year to be ‘something’, at least. Really, objectively, I think it wasn’t a dreadful year. It had some redeeming features. And yet I can’t help feeling that I lost this year.

I don’t have plans for 2011. I don’t want to make any. Sure, I’ve got stuff lined up. Just thinking about that makes my stomach constrict and my breathing go shallow. I am fucking afraid, and that’s annoying. Anytime I feel afraid, I feel cheated. I expected trauma to make me less afraid, desensitised against anything life may throw at me, not even *more* anxious. And I worry that I won’t be able to keep up to the commitments I’ve made as to 2011. I fear that as I’ll eventually be leaving an atmosphere somewhat more accommodating of sporadic outbreaks of mental illness, I’ll finally have to realise that 9-to-5 schedules aren’t made for people who on some days can’t stop working and on others can’t get out of bed, that I’ll be branded unreliable because my bipolar disorder has first dibs on deciding whether I’ll be able to do anything on a given day and I want to scream, scream, scream at the top of my voice at the whole fucking world who try to encourage me and tell me that all is okay because as well-meaning as they are, all they’re achieving is trivialising my concerns and making me feel even more isolated, and then I want to cut the shit out of myself for being a little ungrateful fuck.

Go on, then, 2011.

Tags: 2010 depression crap year bipolar doubts insecurities fears

I am I am I am: philoctetes: “Rape culture is telling girls and women to be careful...

philoctetes:

“Rape culture is telling girls and women to be careful about what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink,…

You’re quite completely right. Really, I didn’t - and don’t - deny there is a point to the rape culture idea and objections thereto. At the same time, it pisses me off when people apply it badly. Quite frankly, I think it’s one of a handful of critical ideas that were developed in the 1970s, explored to their sensible limits then, and all expansion since then has come at the cost of sense. So while I agree with the main point of not holding rape victims responsible for something done *to*, rather than *by*, them, I do get a bit cranky when sound advice is equated with allotting responsibility. A lot of it, really, isn’t rape-specific, either. Consider the arguments not to go out alone - quite simply, tactical advantage in small scale engagements is non-linear, that is, two people are generally around seven times more effective than one person. Side note: as a rape survivor, I found Lt Col Dave Grossman’s books on violence incredibly enlightening as to how violence and coercion are created. It helped me a great deal in understanding the position I was in, as a victim rather than someone who cooperated. I think a lot of rape victims could combat the really harmful ideas of being at fault for their rape by trying to understand violence a bit more. End side note. I also, incidentally, think that rape culture is too good to a lot of rapists. Really, a way to lose the uniqueness of their wrong is probably a rapist’s wet dream. But that’s a different story, really- and more a personal view than anything I have good reason for. As a rape victim/survivor, I don’t fucking want any of the motherfuckers to be able to communalise their guilt in any way. I was raped by bad people, not by a bad culture. I don’t like cultural ascriptions of motivations for violent crime, including rape, because they cannot account for the fact that interpersonal violence is tremendously rare. Of course, when it happens, it’s tragic, and the fact that it’s rare doesn’t make it a lesser issue - but it *is* rare. Too much talk about communal factors comes at an expense of talk about individual factors. Rapists rape because they’re evil, end-of-line. I don’t see what I could gain from starting to hunt for further liability in their upbringing, schooling, parent culture or parent society. Of course, if talk about rape culture or ‘education’ of men about consent etc. would have any effect, then that would be something to consider, but there is no evidence really that anything is gained by all that. I’m not really qualified to say this, but I think rapists are a personality type, and trust me, they won’t give a shit about being told about the limits of consent. Anyone who would care to listen would, at worst, only inadvertently rape someone (e.g. misunderstandings about the precise limits of consent). People who are so far beyond that they are capable of committing rape are hard to imagine as recognising the wrong of their thoughts by being told about them (in fact, if you consider that rape is about control, your typical offender will be someone who believes the rules don’t apply to him, so being told that rape is wrong will actually make them no less likely to do it). Which leaves much of the rape culture debate, in my view, as little more than an academic circle jerk. People who talk about and listen to it aren’t going to rape anyone. People who would rape anyone wouldn’t engage in these debates or wouldn’t really listen, except to have a good laugh at being no longer lone evil-doers that stick out as a sore thumb but part of a larger culture. Consider this: a lot of offenders take courage from being part of a larger project. So e.g. lone crazy pipe bomber Franz Fuchs confabulated himself as a part of a liberation army with complex political goals and regularly referred to his comrades in arms - who, of course, only existed in his sick mind. To give rapists the comfort of numbers is, in my eyes, a crap idea through and through.
(as for advising men - or indeed anyone - to be big and strong so as to be able to fight off attackers: I don’t think that’s a bad idea. There’s no amount of rape culture talk that can obscure the fact that as long as evil people exist (and I fail to see how this discourse will magically eliminate them, for reasons op cit), the mentally and physically well-prepared will be at an advantage against a rapist. When I was sexually abused, I was a defenceless child. I grew up to be a 6’2” 180lbs ex-waterpolo player, rower and runner with good tactical senses precisely because I swore I’ll never, ever let it happen to me again. Somewhere there’s a chap in jail who tried to mug me at knifepoint who reaped the rewards of all that training (a broken wrist and a somewhat out of shape nose). But quite apart from any practical benefits, physical and mental training may well be actually a healing experience for survivors (I was forced to perform oral sex at gunpoint several times as a child - years later, I learned to use the same kind of firearm that was used to coerce me, for self-defence: it was a truly liberating and transformative experience) and an empowering one for both survivors and those lucky enough not to have undergone sexual trauma alike. So while ‘acting straight’ is stupid to expect, I am sometimes in sharp disagreement with the derision feminists have for what they describe as a stereotypical male gender role. Regardless of what one thinks about rape, when it comes down to it, you’d want to have the best starting position before things go downhill, physically and mentally. Being a guy, chances of getting raped on the street are a fraction of the same for women - but if I were a girl, I’d love to see less theory talk about rape culture and other abstractions, and a lot more hands on instruction on kicking serious ass.)

Reblogged from

“

Rape culture is telling girls and women to be careful about what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you’re alone, if you’re with a stranger, if you’re in a group, if you’re in a group of strangers, if it’s dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you’re carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you’re wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who’s around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who’s at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defense, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn’t follow all the rules it’s your fault.

—

So wait, telling women basic situational awareness and persec is perpetuating rape culture? Ad one, fuck you for perpetuating the utterly obnoxious idea that rape is something that happens to women and girls only. It’s a stupid, marginalising prejudice that kills male survivors at a rate you’d cry if you knew. Ad two, telling people how to stay safe is far from saying it’s their fault if they got raped. I mean, for fuck’s sake, what fucking planet are you coming from? Because of your fucking political views, you’d deprive young women of a chance to avoid falling victim to sexual violence? You fucking sicken me. It’s not like fucking road safety rules perpetuate a culture of road traffic accidents. For what it’s worth, as sad as it is, sexual violence has existed for millennia and that’s not too likely to change. The whole rape culture talk was fun and constructive for the first few years. Right now, it’s counterproductive and creates victims. I wish someone had told me how to stay safe when I got sexually abused, and how I could have sought help. Really, deep down, rape culture talk is about nothing but another version of the set of old delusional beliefs that try to shield us from facing up to evil, bad things by pretending we don’t need to behave like those things existed.

tl,dr: you fucking sicken me at times.

Reblogged from Well then, that's all sorted.

unfisaine-deactivated20110416 asked: hey, this is a response to your previous post, 'suicide of the heart'. (couldn't figure out where/how to reply...sorry if it's heaps obvious and i'm blind)

so, I had exactly the same worries and concerns that you seemingly have before I started on medication for Bipolar (type 2).

the doctor is right, you will question your personality and you will have what i call 'some kind of identity crisis'. for your entire life you've been this up/down person with a subsequent crazy/beautiful/painful view of the world and yea, it affects your entire being and view of yourself, it creates and defines who you know yourself to be. i was terrified of losing me, too.
but, like you said at the end, it takes you to places no one should ever have to go to. but it's worth it. although, admittedly, i fight with myself alot, tempted to go off my medication to revert back to myself instead of this mess of confusing ideals about who i am. and i gave in to that once or twice and i nearly died. and i want you to know that you can experience beauty, strong happiness and pain while on medication. it will just be different. with the happiness, it's less invasive and destructive which is good, but it's also far less exhilirating, which is not. but you can find a new source of exhiliration, or at least, i think we can. i find it in moments, only moments, as opposed to days. but it's the medication that allows me to feel that, even in a fleeting moment, for another day. without it, i would be feeling naught because i'd be dead. depression is often fatal. i'll let you know when i find something that lasts longer than a moment.
and sometimes you can miss the lows. even though they were painful and debilitating it's that yearning for your old self who you feel secure within because you KNOW them, as opposed to this new person. and i've found them too, safely. for me, it's music. the right song can make me feel the catastrophic sadness that i miss, without making me want to leave the world for good. another key thing to know is that i lost my ability to write poetry well. i still write, sometimes, but the feeling is gone and the metaphors are now cliche and ignorant. i'm saying this because you were asking of yourself if you'll have the passion for drawing, writing etc. you might. it depends where it comes from. but you might not. and right now, you may think that it's tragic and you'll miss it, but the meds might make you actually not miss it. at least, that's how it is for me. i now see that my poetry was sort of a shrine to my sadness and pain that is now useless and sad in itself...
i didn't mean for this to be so long but i really just wanted you to know that there is someone here who can relate and is telling you that it is okay to at least try the meds. i know i don't know your situation well, don't really know the details....but i do know you are the only one who can decide the balance of suffering you're willing to endure, between what keeps you alive and what sends you to the edge.
love.

Thanks. That’s sound advice to all with bipolar - it’s good to see someone who has been through the same thought processes and doubts that come with accepting anti-manic medication for bipolar.

Break (of the non-psychotic sort)

I’ve been very quiet for the last few weeks.

I’ve been taking a break from life, from Tumblr, from work, from commitments. I took a plane to the other end of the world, and stayed for a few weeks with some of the kindest, most loving people on Earth. They helped me through an extremely difficult transition with my meds, helped me pick up the pieces of my life and put some reasonable order into my affairs again.

A few hours ago, I returned back home. I’m by no means cured, changed, fixed or anything - but at least I can try to just keep going, and hope that the meds and intensive supervision by my psychiatrist will keep me on an even keel for a while.

I’m stunned and amazed by all the kind messages I’ve got from all of you. I promise, I will answer each of them - I just want to return the same attention and care that you took in writing them, and a jet-lagged overmedicated me is in no state to do so. So it will have to wait.

You guys are wonderful, and I love you all very, very much.

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